Category Archives: In my Dreams

I’m a model

Have you seen my new Gap ad?

I know, Gap called and I didn’t even know that they knew who I was, but I figured…why the hell not. So, they set up this photo shoot and I was just groovin’ to some George Michael and BAM…ad history was made.

Oh my! If only in my dreams. This is totally not me, but when my old co-worker sent it to me, I really thought that Gap may have photoshopped my face on one of their lithe model bodies. I thought to myself that maybe there was a dancing talent scout at one of the recent weddings I went to where I was surely shaking my grove thing and they were just mesmerized by my sweet dance moves. Hey! It’s possible, right??? Wrong! Turns out this picture is of Nicki Bluhm. Yeah, the Nicki Bluhm that sings awesome Hall & Oats/Madonna/Buddy Holly covers in her car that I was obsessed with a couple months ago (thanks to Bess). Yeah. Apparently, we are twins when we sing and our hair is flying. Weird.

Event though I now know that my head was not photoshopped (damn, I could have sued myself in to some major Gap money), the resemblance is still a bit freaky. Of course, it is all just smoke and mirrors and angles, but I’ll take being a Gap model or just a Gap model look-a-like. I put a side by side pic below. Not too many of me looking in the same direction, but I think this is a pretty good example. What do you think? Are we twinsies or what?!?! Now, if only I could sing like Nicki….

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Tales of my psychic iPod

Have I told you yet that I have periodic psychic tendencies? No???? Well, I do. Consider yourself told.

Most of my psychotic– I mean psychic episodes come while I’m sleeping. Yes, I am actually telling you that sometimes my dreams come true. Does it happen to you? It could.

Usually I will have a really weird, but extremely realistic dream.  I wake up in the morning thinking how weird, but extremely realistic the dream was and don’t think too much more of it. Then a week or a month or a year (you get the idea) later,  part of the dream will actually come true. It’s weird. It’s more than déjà-vu. It’s like exact conversations and events will happen. Insert creepy Twilight Zone music here.

I’m pretty sure you’re now wondering how in the hell my psychic dreams have anything to do with my iPod. No, I don’t dream about my iPod. No, my iPod doesn’t speak to me in my dreams.  No, I don’t really think my iPod is psychic, but there have been some pretty weird coincidences with my iPod when I’m at the gym. Well, one coincidence really.

I use to be a runner. Then a case of “80-year old knees syndrome” (yes- that is the technical term) took me out of the running game. I’ve slowly (and steadily) worked my way back up to running 2-3 days a week for 3-5 miles. Yeah, my past marathon self would be so disappointed in my excitement for this distance, but eh, I’ll take what I can get these days. So yeah, I’ve been feeling really good on the dreadmill lately. I’ve even been running without my brace. Yes, I like to live on the edge! Test the fates if you will.

ANYWAYS….I think my iPod knows that I need to be pushed. When I come close to finishing my run and my energy is a bit low and I’m questioning if I can go farther or faster, my iPod basically tells me to stop being a whiny bitch to give 110%. How you ask? No, my iPod isn’t speaking to me at the gym. Although, if it did I wonder what it would sound like…maybe it would have an accent, maybe it’s been possessed by Jillian Michaels….sorry, I digress. It’s really odd, but the last 5 out of 7 times I have been running, Outkast’s B.O.B comes on. That is my go to kick it in to high gear/kick my ass song.  Seriously, almost every time my run is done, this song comes on. Weird wild stuff. Is no one else blown away by this?

Sure, I realize that this is all just a simple case of probabilities. If I put my iPizzle on shuffle, it is bound to come up with songs in a similar order. Did I ever tell you I hate math? Well I do. Despise math. Always sucked at math. So instead of thinking like a rational mathematical genius, I’d rather just believe that my iPod is psychic and knows when I’m about to complete my workout and wants to hand me a good old fashioned ass whooping. Is there anything wrong with that?

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Get ready for some major blowing your skirt up action… Today I am finally making my list official. No turning back.

            THE LIST- A list of five famous hotties that you are allowed to sleep with—no harm, no foul to your significant other.

Of course this actually means that:

  1. You actually have to come in contact with one of your listers.
  2. After coming in contact with them, you would of course have to make them want to have sex with YOU.
  3. Oh and yeah, they must actually be famous. By famous, I mean that any regular Joe on the street would know this person. It can’t be the guy or girl at the bar down the street that everyone in town knows.

The hubby and I decided a long time ago that we could have a list. We have always gone back and forth about how many are allowed on the list, but today a final decision has been made that only five can grace THE LIST.

Before I officially declare my list, I would like to acknowledge a few runners-up (in no particular order). Maybe we should change THE LIST to ten or twelve…no?

  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt: He has come a long way from his 30 Rock from the Sun Days. What can I say, I have a thing for nerds.
  • Jimmy Kimmel: I know, I know…Jimmy Kimmel, really?? Yes. He is hilarious and he is lookin’ pretty darn good these days. Must be all the Humpilates.
  • George Clooney: My favorite silver fox. John Stewart would be my #2 on the silver fox list.
  • Ben Harper or Jack Johnson: Musicians = hot. I think if both were in the same room, I would pick Ben over Jack.
  • If it was 10 years ago, Leonardo DiCaprio circa Romeo + Juliet would have been on THE LIST along with Brad Pitt circa A River Runs Through It. My walls were plastered with Brad in high school. Le sigh.
  • Ryan Reynolds- Oh Ryan, I wish you wouldn’t make terrible movies like The Flash and The Proposal. Even so, I wouldn’t kick you out of bed.
  •  James Franco- I really should put you on THE LIST considering you are the only one I could actually have a shot at meeting. If only you weren’t so hipster. My standard is that I can’t sleep with anyone that has skinner legs than myself.

Ok, so I could keep going on and on with honorable mentions, but it’s time to do this thing! Drumroll please…Seriously, you should be either imagining a drumroll in your head or actually doing one on a table or something.

#5- Dermot Mulroney

My love  began first watched The Thing Called Love. Oh Kyle Davidson, I don’t know why Miranda didn’t choose you over that dumb James. Even though you are getting older, you are still lookin’ damn good.

#4. Timothy Olyphant

He’s justified to be on this list. So cool…so good looking. Apparenlty, I like a man who can pull off a cowboy hat. I really wanted to jump his bones in Catch and Release. Yes, I like that movie (don’t judge) and yes, I always cry when I watch it (ok, you can maybe judge me a little).

#3- Ben Affleck

All that Jennifer Lopez/Gigli jazz aside, Ben has been on my list for a mighty long time. Like a fine wine, he just keeps getting better with age. Yummers!

#2- Ryan Gosling

Ryan wasn’t even on my list a month ago. I never really saw the appeal until I watched Crazy Stupid Love. Then BAM! He’s at #2. The move really does work! And he isn’t too shabby to look at either.

#1- Jake Gyllenhaal

 The husband knows that I will leave him for Jake. Seriously. I think he is my soulmate, he just doesn’t know it…yet. I plan on stalking him when we move back to Cali. I will find him on a bike ride in Santa Monica, I just know it.

So there it is. My official list. No turning back now. Who is on your list?

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